“Come and hear, all you who fear God,
while I recount what has been done for me.” Psalm 66:16
This past winter my friend and I fell out of the habit of walking a couple of times a week at a local park. Circumstances in our lives contributed to the unfortunate postponement of an activity we both enjoy. Sometimes I would ask her for a raincheck if the weather was simply too cold and wet, and often enough she had to cancel so she could care for her grandchildren who were home from school on a snow day.
I missed the exercise of an invigorating walk around the lake, the camaraderie of being with my friend and I realized after several prolonged absences from one another we were missing something else too: the chance to vent about our daily lives and circumstances. How satisfying it can be to have someone who knows enough about us and will listen as we voice our complaints, our aches, and pains and all the annoyances that crop up in a week.
I would often drive away after one of our morning walks thinking about everything we had said, especially if we had managed to work ourselves up over a situation. In exasperation and with resignation, oftentimes one or the both of us would stop mid-walk and throw up our hands and say, “Well, it is what it is!” This well-worn exclamation seems to be on the lips of many these days, and I have often wondered if it is the feeble antithesis of a hearty “Amen!”
Sometimes I find myself missing the opportunity to kvetch, a handy Yiddish word that means to grumble, whine, and generally complain. I started paying attention to the times and places and the people with whom I indulge my penchant for “kvetching.” I realize with my walking friend, there was a generosity of spirit even as we complain to one another about everything from global issues to how our husbands load (or do not load) the dishwasher. We understand the circumstances and share enough in common to know our complaints and annoyances are coming from a place of caring about our families and the world at large.
At other times I can see letting ourselves become engrossed with everything we perceive as wrong or hopeless can quickly build and stoke a fire of negativity. Then we reassure ourselves and one another that things are not as bad as we think they are, and indeed that is when we resort with a sigh to the half-hearted “It is what it is!”
One bright fall morning a few years ago as we trudged along the wooded lakeside in mid-harangue about some shared pet peeve, we were startled by a great blue heron. The graceful bird rose suddenly and silently from within the tall reeds not two yards from our path. Our thoughts soared with it as my friend and I stood and watched as the arc of wings carried the heron out over the placid lake to its nesting spot on the opposite shore. “Do you realize we almost missed that,” my friend exclaimed thoughtfully, “just because we get so caught up in our grumbling.”
That quiet interlude of the heron changed us that morning. We began to call to mind with gratitude all our not-so-ordinary blessings. We reminded one another of times we had witnessed God at work within our families and workplaces in ways that changed our perspectives and the world around us.
That is not to say we never indulge in a bit of kvetching, but we do not sink into that bog for long. We lift up ourselves and one another, seeking the higher ground.
By Noel Poston, Oblate OSB